The distress signal

The problem with thinking too much about postmodernism is that you fall into the trap of uncertainty. You're in a loop which you can't escape because suddenly nothing has meaning without everything else, and thus, in some ways, you can only exist in relation to others. And some would argue that postmodernism questions capitalist ideology! But I suppose comparisons do not equal competition.

I'm not surprised, that towards the end of this university course I too have fallen into the trap of uncertainty. It is hard being with someone who seems to know everything, I once told a friend of mine, and it's no lie. You find yourself in situations where you feel like the extra wheel even though you shouldn't be the third person at all. But I suppose it's not all like that. Sometimes it is just that you don't think you should be with someone who is so much 'higher' than you.

But maybe it's not at all: which is all the more likely. Perhaps this uncertainty is based on the fact that you have never truly been addicted to something. I suppose the closest thing to addiction I came to was Harry Potter and even that was superfluous. Then you realise that you no longer 'like' things. Everything is a mild 'nice' or a blatant 'hate'. Everything (mostly myself) feels hollow. But maybe it is true. Maybe it is all in the mind and I should just let go of all my postmodern restrictions and pretend that something is in its absolute.

Ultimately, the absolute of uncertainty is paradoxical. I wish I could just escape out of this loop.

How do you kick the habit?